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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25214704">bloodsong</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acacius/pseuds/Acacius'>Acacius</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>What We Do in the Shadows (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Season/Series 02, also guillermo is so sweet in this fic, found family dynamics ft. blood bc they're vampires, i mellowed out the baron but in my defense... it's tough work rising from a grave y'know, in which even the baron ships it LMAO</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:48:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,464</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25214704</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acacius/pseuds/Acacius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Baron comes back from the grave and nothing goes as planned for the Staten Island crew.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>110</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>bloodsong</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i’m so sorry for this lmao?? i guess i just miss the baron a lil bit… so we can have reformed!baron afanas, as a treat.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>The Baron makes his presence known a year after his supposed death but the man who claws himself out of the shallow grave is nothing like the vampire who had been thrown into it.</p>
<p>For one, he’s stark naked. He is also visibly shaking, snow and dirt clinging to his flesh.</p>
<p>When he speaks, it is not in English. Guillermo recognizes the language as Latin, and thanks to his Catholic upbringing, he’s able to understand a few of the words that spill almost pleadingly from the vampire’s pale lips. He hears <em>domum</em> and <em>sanctuarium</em>. Home and sanctuary.</p>
<p>He knows the risk, knows just how powerful the Baron was before turning to ash, but it doesn’t stop him from leaving the foyer, ignoring the cries of his vampire housemates.</p>
<p>“Gizmo, get the fuck back in here and kill him!”</p>
<p>“Guillermo, where are you going? Come and kill this sad, pathetic excuse of a vampire!”</p>
<p>“I do not wish to order you around since you are no longer my familiar… but I am ordering you right now to kill the Baron again. I would do it myself but I have misplaced my head-ripping gloves.”</p>
<p>“Gee-whiz, this sure is escalating faster than an escalator. Speaking of escalators, did you know that the modern escalator was created in 1897 by a Mr. Charles Seeberger? The word ‘escalator’ is actually a mash-up of elevator, which had already been invented by then, and <em>scala</em>, the Latin word for steps. A rather fitting name in my opinion even if it’s a bit obvious.”</p>
<p>Just as a collective groan rang out from the foyer, Guillermo returned, one of Nandor’s old cloaks in his arms.</p>
<p>“Hey, that’s one of my funeral cloaks! What are you doing with it?” Nandor snapped, still eyeing the shivering Baron with obvious distrust.</p>
<p>Guillermo slowly approached the Baron, whispering a few gentle words in Spanish before reaching up on his toes to tuck the cloak around the vampire’s emaciated, half-regenerated form. The Baron tilts his head, crimson eyes meeting Guillermo’s gaze as he inhales deeply. Something like surprise flits across his features before he rumbles out a reply in Spanish, stepping away to give a bow, strands of silver hair dipping over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Alright, can someone tell me what the fuck is going on? Why are Gizmo and the Baron speaking conspiratorially in tongues?” Laszlo asked, rubbing at his temples in confusion.</p>
<p>At that moment, the Baron waves a hand at the four vampires. They all drift slowly up into the air against their will before Guillermo intervenes, clutching the Baron’s arm.</p>
<p>“Please let them go, Baron Afanas. I’ll explain everything to them.”</p>
<p>With a reluctant nod, the Baron releases his hold, allowing the four vampires to come tumbling down. Nadja is able to elegantly fall on her feet, more feline than vampire as she hisses, smoothing out the ruffles in her skirt. Nandor and Laszlo fall in a heap together with Nandor falling face-first onto the wooden floor as Laszlo landed decidedly on his rear, Nandor’s back acting as a fine cushion for his fall. Colin, perhaps on account of being an energy vampire, did not get lifted as high as the other three and merely dropped to his feet without much complaining.</p>
<p>When the Baron speaks, his voice sounds strained from nearly a year of disuse. “Why do you protect them when they are nothing but rude to you? I could hear it from my grave. They do not appreciate you.”</p>
<p>“They may be rude, but they’re my… friends.” Guillermo pauses, struggling to find the right words to convey how he felt. “They’ve been in my life for over a decade now and I can’t imagine a life without them at this point.”</p>
<p>“Hmm… how sickeningly sweet and human of you. I can nearly taste the sentiment in the air.” The Baron’s lips twist in disgust briefly. “The last Helsing I encountered did not hold any sentiment for vampires. You are an interesting one, vampire slayer.”</p>
<p>“Oh, so not only is Guillermo a vampire slayer but he is also a Helsing? Do you honestly expect us to believe that, bloody Baron?” Nadja laughed, sparing Nandor and Laszlo a cursory glance. Laszlo was chuckling along while Nandor purposefully averted his gaze.</p>
<p><em>Well, shit,</em> Nadja thought, the smile slipping from her face immediately. <em>The stupid donkey is wearing his ‘I am about to be caught in a lie’ face.</em></p>
<p>Unaware of his wife’s internal monologue and increasingly murderous mood, Laszlo played along, making a grand show of pointing a ringed finger towards Guillermo. “I think the Baron should go crawling back to his grave. It’s obvious that something in his brain didn’t regenerate quite right if he thinks I’ll believe that the little chap is a true-blooded Helsing. It’s as my darling lady-wife said: there’s no way Gizmo’s a Helsing.”</p>
<p>“Actually…” Nandor began hesitantly, eyeing the two vampires to the left of him. “He is a Helsing. The Baron is speaking the truth.”</p>
<p>Laszlo openly hissed. “And when the hell did you find this information out? We’ve been living under the roof with an actual Helsing this entire time and you didn’t think to tell us?”</p>
<p>Nandor frowned. “There’s no need to be so rude, Laszlo. Fucking guy... I’ve only known since the night he saved us in the theatre from the Vampiric Council.”</p>
<p>“So how exactly did you find out little Guillermo here was a Helsing?” Colin interjected, raising a curious brow. “Did he just tell you? Did it come up organically? Oh, maybe you guys played twenty questions. I love twenty questions. It’s a game practically designed for energy vampires. I once leeched off a ton of energy from a middle-aged lumberjack—“</p>
<p>“Silence, Colin Robinson. There is no need for the torturing. It was quite simple…” Nandor trailed, looking towards Guillermo for permission in what he was about to reveal.</p>
<p>Guillermo nodded, cheeks reddening at the memory.</p>
<p>“After the theatre, I… I was really angry with Guillermo for leaving. I said some things I did not mean. He also said some things he did not mean. I only meant to scare Guillermo a little bit, but I forgot he was still holding a stake and… well, he stabbed me.”</p>
<p>“In self-defense!” Guillermo clarified. “I thought he was going to bite me.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I was looking particularly ferocious,” Nandor agreed. “Anyway, he missed my heart by a few inches. I was bleeding a lot though and not healing very well because I hadn’t fed since Guillermo had left. So… he extended an orange branch.”</p>
<p>“An olive branch,” Guillermo corrected.</p>
<p>“Yes, like I said. An olive branch was extended. He gave me some of his blood to heal. I immediately knew something was different. He was very virgin-y and delicious, but there was also… an ancient aftertaste. Very powerful. I healed much faster than I would have if I had drunk from an average human.”</p>
<p>“You bloody hypocrite,” Nadja sneered. “You said you would never drink from Guillermo and that’s why we weren’t allowed to! I remember when you nearly ripped my head off for even asking for one little sip—I just wanted a taste, not to bathe in his blood!”</p>
<p>Before Nandor could respond, the floor underneath them shook wildly as if they were in the midst of a sudden earthquake, causing the vampires to all stumble against each other with varying degrees of wide-eyed panic. The Baron held Guillermo’s shoulder, keeping a firm grip on him until the tremors passed so he remained upright.</p>
<p>“Enough,” the Baron hissed. Outside, it began to rain, thunder rumbling threateningly as lightning flashed, illuminating the darkened foyer. “I grow tired of your childish bickering. What matters is that he is a Helsing. The ancient bylaws are very clear: a Helsing is the most dangerous threat to vampires. He could cull all of our kind in a fortnight. I do not wish for that—so I approach all of you in peace.”</p>
<p>“The Baron is asking for sanctuary here. With us.” Guillermo chimed in, still standing beside the newly regenerated vampire.</p>
<p>“Yes. I am still not fully healed. I subsisted on the blood from the bodies you buried in the ground—which, by the way, was very wasteful of all of you. Most of the people were only half-drunk. That annoyance aside, there are many vampires who would want to strike me down if they knew the state I was in. I wish to hide here, a prince amongst paupers, under the protection of Guillermo van Helsing.”</p>
<p>Guillermo raised a hand. “It’s actually Guillermo de la Cruz. I’m a distant ancestor of van Helsing.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” the Baron cocked his head curiously. “But your scent… it’s so incredibly strong. I can smell the power wafting from you. I did not notice it before I turned to ash as you were always too close to that meat-headed warrior. You see, he also smells ancient, but it’s more of like an old broom closet stuffed with mothballs smell. Very unappealing and quite overpowering to the senses.”</p>
<p>“Hey!” Nandor snapped, clearly displeased. “I do not smell like an old closet! Right, Guillermo? Or Laszlo? Or Nadja?”</p>
<p>No one replied except for Colin Robinson. He clasped the vampire’s shoulder with a grin. “Don’t worry about it, buddy. Everyone tells me that I smell like a fax machine but I don’t let it get me down. Besides, I actually like the smell of mothballs.”</p>
<p>Nandor grimaced, swiveling his head to stare directly at the cameras.</p><hr/>
<p>After borrowing some of the energy vampire’s clothes, Guillermo helped the Baron take a seat on the chaise lounge closest to the fireplace, utilizing the roaring flames to heat his cold, undead body.</p>
<p>“We vampires are not as immune to the elements as you might think,” he said, holding his hands out towards the flames. “We feel coldness and heat just like any other creature. Being undead, it is difficult to regulate our body temperature. We will always be slightly colder than a living human. But if we get too cold, it can cause us to go into a state of hibernation. If I wasn’t as old as I am, I would not have survived Staten Island’s winter underneath the ground.”</p>
<p>Guillermo hummed in response, briefly leaving the fancy room to grab a blanket for the Baron. Just as he stepped outside the room he nearly collided with Laszlo, earning himself a warning hiss from the man.</p>
<p>“Here,” Laszlo muttered, holding out an unlabeled wine bottle. “Give this to the Baron.”</p>
<p>“Wait, what is this? Wine? Poison?” he asked, taking the bottle.</p>
<p>Laszlo sneered. “You think I’d poison that asshole? Well, actually, that’s not a bad idea. Hmm…” he stroked his chin, sighing a moment later. “Anyway, no, this is not poison. It’s blood. My good lady wife siphons some of the blood from her victims and stores it in case of an emergency. It’s damn smart of her.”</p>
<p>With that, Laszlo walked away, leaving Guillermo with a bottle of what he assumed was human blood. Guillermo sighed as he stared at the sloshing liquid inside of the tinted bottle. Surely the Baron would be able to tell for himself if the blood was poisoned or otherwise undrinkable, he reasoned, grabbing one of the extra blankets he had in his bedroom. Returning to the fancy room, he handed the Baron the blanket and then the bottle, moving to sit on the opposite end of the sofa.</p>
<p>“This is…” the Baron trailed, eyeing the liquid with interest.</p>
<p>“Blood. Human blood,” Guillermo clarified. “From Nadja. She stores it, I guess.”</p>
<p>Uncorking the bottle, the Baron took a cautious sniff, nostrils flaring. “Ah… this is virgin blood. How delightful.”</p>
<p>The vampire brought the bottle to his lips and drank, imbibing the liquid in frantic, desperate gulps. Guillermo had never seen a vampire drink so deeply—it actually frightened him somewhat, realizing that it was likely that the older a vampire got, the greater their bloodlust became. In less than five seconds the entire bottle was drained and the Baron sighed contentedly, placing the bottle on the table beside him. He then plucked a tissue and gingerly wiped his mouth as if his behavior beforehand wasn’t bordering feral.</p>
<p>“Now that was some good blood… not drug blood, but still very good. Please send my compliments to the chef.” The Baron suddenly giggled. “Oh right, that person is likely very dead. Well then, my compliments to Nadja. She chose her victim well.”</p>
<p>“I actually help them choose their victims,” Guillermo explained, wondering briefly why it mattered so much to him that he had to correct the Baron. Either way, he was leading people to their death—which, in hindsight, was probably not something most people bragged about.</p>
<p>Fortunately, the Baron was a vampire and instead of finding Guillermo’s confession of being an accessory to multiple murders distasteful, it actually made him chuckle in earnest. “My apologies. You, Guillermo, are a superb victim chooser. I give you my sincerest praise.”</p>
<p>With that, the pair lapsed into silence. Guillermo stared into the flames, mind still reeling from the last couple of hours. Here was the vampire he thought he had accidentally killed—and said vampire didn’t actually want to kill him or seek revenge. It was a strange way to find closure over that chapter of his life, but it wasn't exactly unwelcome. If it wasn’t for the Baron’s ‘death,’ Guillermo might not have realized his heritage. Sure, he was always planning on doing a DNA test, but he could have had some plausible deniability if he had never hurt the Baron or ended up killing that other vampire after the trial. In fact, it was the Baron’s death that set into motion everything that had transpired—the Vampiric Council, the revelation about his ancestry, and then embracing his vampire hunter side to protect his friends.</p>
<p>It was only when the Baron yawned loudly that Guillermo was able to pull himself out of his own rattled mind.</p>
<p>“We have spare coffins in the basement if you wish to rest, Baron,” he said, offering to help the vampire to his feet.</p>
<p>The Baron took his hand with thanks, allowing the ex-familiar to lead him to where he would rest for the night.</p>
<p>Nandor, taking the form of a bat, followed after the pair, silently watching from afar. He did not trust the Baron—and how could he, knowing the vampire’s checkered past? All he knew was that he didn’t want Guillermo to get hurt, though the intensity of his feelings, why he felt so compelled to check after his ex-familiar’s safety, still puzzled him.</p>
<p>It is only when the Baron is safely tucked in his coffin that Nandor flies back to his own bedroom—but he does not rest easy. His thoughts keep drifting to Guillermo, to his blood, to his smile, to the way he fiddled with his glasses when he was nervous, to the feeling of his hand as he helped him in and out of his coffin. It was torture. He wonders briefly if one of the witches hadn’t somehow left him with a curse, but he knows, deep down, that no curse could make him feel the way he did.</p><hr/>
<p>Life with the Baron was surprisingly peaceful, all things considered.</p>
<p>Sure, there were times where Guillermo had to coax the Baron to drop one of the vampires after they said something mildly insulting, but he never did any lasting damage. In fact, he didn’t do much more than make the house shake on its foundation, incite thunderstorms, and sometimes throw Laszlo through a wall. Otherwise, he was a perfect housemate.</p>
<p>It was strange—especially given that he had nearly killed the vampire—but Guillermo began to see the Baron as a rather eccentric uncle… who could also kill him with a flick of his wrist. Granted, of everyone in the house, he seemed most fond of Guillermo with Nadja as a close second. He hadn’t even so much as raised his voice at Guillermo, which was a refreshing change of pace from the other vampires.</p>
<p>Overall, Guillermo liked having the Baron around. He felt respected and safe in his presence—and found that he actually looked forward to their daily <em>gossip session</em>, as the Baron called it, where they basically vented about their housemates in Spanish.</p>
<p>One of the other, more exciting perks of the Baron being around was that he chipped in with the household chores. There was now a whiteboard with chores assigned that rotated between the housemates and while they all still complained, it only took one pointed look from the Baron to send them scurrying away in search of cleaning supplies.</p>
<p>Lost in the midst of his pondering, Guillermo didn’t hear the sound of a tinkering bell until a certain cat hopped into his lap, purring loudly.</p>
<p>“Aww, hi Sam,” Guillermo grinned, scratching the cat’s little chin. Sam chirred happily, slow-blinking up at the vampire slayer.</p>
<p>Sam had appeared on their doorstep a few days after the Baron moved into the house. With one more vampire to take care of, Guillermo was more than happy to let Sam take on the mantle of familiar. It was only later that the Baron admitted to calling out through the ether for Sam. He had a soft spot for cats and Sam was the only feline familiar in Staten Island. Regardless of how he ended up with them, Guillermo was pleased to find that Sam was a great familiar—perhaps even better than he was.</p>
<p>Sam meowed before hopping off Guillermo’s lap.</p>
<p>The vampire slayer nodded, absorbing what Sam had said. “Thanks for the update, Sam. I’ll go check on everyone and see how they’re doing. Go get some rest. You deserve it.”</p>
<p>Guillermo followed Sam out of his room and walked to the fancy room where his gaggle of vampires had migrated for the night. For as scary and dangerous as they made themselves out to be, it was very rare to find any of them alone. They tended to move together as a group, save for Colin Robinson, though even he lurked in the periphery, waiting for a chance to feast.</p>
<p>“Guillermo!” the Baron greeted heartily, earning a sharp glare from Nandor. “Good evening, my friend. Did you have a restful slumber?”</p>
<p>Guillermo nodded, taking a seat on the sofa beside Nandor. He knew he didn’t have to be glued to Nandor’s side now that he was no longer his familiar, but he couldn’t help but drift towards him anyway. A brief grin broke out on Nandor’s face as Guillermo sat beside him, but it slipped away so quickly that Guillermo wondered if he had just imagined it.</p>
<p>“So Sam told me that you had a request for me?” Guillermo asked, eyeing the Baron.</p>
<p>“Yes,” the Baron began, something like nervousness overtaking his features. “Now, you are more than welcome to say no. I do not want to pressure you into your decision and I am more than willing to wait until you have decided. What I am about to ask of you is very intimate and—“</p>
<p>“Guillermo isn’t going to have an orgy with you!” Nandor sneered suddenly, causing all heads in the room to swivel towards him.</p>
<p>“I swear that soft, squishy brain of yours is actually made of boiled cabbage,” Nadja muttered.</p>
<p>“I second that statement,” Laszlo said, gaze turned questioningly to Nandor. “Sorry old chap, but she speaks the truth. You are a brilliant warrior and strategist… but you are so blessedly unburdened by a university education.”</p>
<p>Before Nandor could respond, the Baron cleared his throat, glaring at the vampires. Immediately, all three shaped up, giving their full attention to the Baron. “As I was saying… Guillermo, I was hoping that you might be amenable to sharing some of your blood with me. I wouldn’t need to sleep for weeks at a time and gorge myself like some hibernating animal if I was given, say, a glassful or so. But this is up to you. It is obvious that Nandor is… dear to you, though I find it difficult to understand why. As such, I would not expect you to make the same decision when you have only known me for a few months.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely not!” Nandor interrupted again, this time rising from his seat. He held an arm out in front of Guillermo as if he was trying to actively shield Guillermo from the Baron. “We all saw how you ate June and the sound recordist! In fact, I think this is all a ploy to kill Guillermo and use his blood to make you strong!”</p>
<p>The Baron folded his arms. “If I wanted to kill Guillermo I could have done it months ago. Nothing was stopping me from creeping into his little bedroom and drinking him dry in his sleep. I am simply asking now because it is the polite thing to do.” He paused, turning to look at Guillermo, lips pulling into a rare smile. “Unlike you four, Guillermo treated me with kindness when I was at my weakest. He could have killed me but he chose not to. I have committed many atrocities in my unlife, enough to give me the reputation of a monster, but the one thing I am not is a liar. If I say I will not kill Guillermo, than I will not kill him.”</p>
<p>“He did also almost kill you, though. We all remember that, right?” Colin said, raising a finger to signal he was still talking before anyone could interrupt him. “Sorry, energy vampire habit. Always have to play the devil’s advocate.”</p>
<p>The Baron waved a hand. “That is water under the bridge. If I get upset at Guillermo for doing what he is preternaturally good at, then that would be like yelling at a lion for eating a zebra. He was just doing what was in his nature. Accidentally, of course, but it still came naturally to him.”</p>
<p>“And isn’t it in your nature to eat delicious, virgin-y humans like Guillermo?” Nandor goaded, still not pleased with the idea of the Baron drinking from his ex-familiar. Something like jealousy mixed with worry stewed in his gut at the thought of the Barons’ long, cruel fangs digging into Guillermo’s throat.</p>
<p>“Isn’t it in yours as well?” the Baron replied, smiling coldly. “You do not have the moral high-ground here, Nandor. You have already tasted Guillermo’s blood.”</p>
<p>“With his permission,” Nandor asserted, his vampiric features suddenly appearing as he hissed like an angry cat.</p>
<p>“Okay, okay, let’s all calm down for a second,” Guillermo intervened, rising up from his seat to place a comforting hand on Nandor’s arm. “I appreciate the concern, Nandor, but it is my choice to make. And I trust the Baron. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I do.” Guillermo turned to the other vampire. “If we’re doing this thought, it’s going to be on my terms. No fangs, no biting, no chance for you to rip open my throat. I’ll just bleed into a glass.”</p>
<p>With that settled, Nandor reluctantly returned to his seat, lips curled in a frown as Guillermo left to retrieve a glass and razor. He did not meet the Baron’s curious gaze, did not even humor him as the vampire prattled on and on about how kind Guillermo was, curling further against the arm of the sofa, scowling. Eventually, the scent of human blood filled the air as Guillermo returned, his left wrist bandaged and a glass of blood in his right hand.</p>
<p>“Here,” he said, holding out the glass. “Drink up, I guess?”</p>
<p>Before the Baron could bring the glass to his lips, Nandor was gone, flying out of the room quite akin to a bat out of Hell. Laszlo and Nadja followed suit, neither enjoying the temptation of a freshly-bled virgin, searching instead for their idiot friend in the bowels of the house, which, honestly, was a welcomed distraction. Colin stayed in the room, but opted to flip through his newspaper. He had no opinion on blood letting except that he liked it when one of the vampires accidentally stained the upholstery while feeding because it gave him a feast in return when his housemates would argue about it.</p>
<p>With a shrug of his shoulders, the Baron took the first sip of Guillermo’s blood.</p><hr/>
<p>It is a few days later that the Baron manages to corner Nandor. He is still riding the metaphorical high of drinking Helsing blood, his strength returning to him sevenfold in such a short period of time. He had even accidentally ripped the front door off its hinges earlier—but, fortunately, the annoying human neighbor, Shaun, could still fix doors despite having been brain scrambled by Nandor and Laszlo, as the Baron soon found out when Shaun implied that he thought he was speaking to an albino narwhal with a vaguely European accent.</p>
<p>Regardless, he is more than thrilled to see Nandor traipsing down the long hallway, more than likely heading to his room to retire early for the night. The Baron is at his side immediately.</p>
<p>“So,” the Baron begins, smoothing out the fabric of the white sweater Colin Robinson had lent him. “I have a question for you, Nandor.”</p>
<p>The vampire grimaced, shooting a desperate look to the camera behind the Baron's shoulder. “If this is about all the attempted murdering during the first few weeks that you lived here, I can explain. The bowl of garlic wasn’t meant for you, it was meant for—“</p>
<p>“Do you think Sam would like a can of tuna? He is such a good familiar, I wanted to do something nice for him.” The Baron interrupted, waving a hand. Currently, Nandor's ramblings were not very high on his list of things to care about. “He doesn’t have any dietary restrictions, does he? I was reading on the Web of Nets that food allergies are quite prevalent in the 21st century.”</p>
<p>“Sam has not informed us of any food allergies.”</p>
<p>A flash of delight crossed the Baron’s face as he clapped his hands together. “Wonderful! I will go to the store and buy him the tuna!”</p>
<p>“Oh, well, have fun…” Nandor trailed, getting ready to slip back into his room. He was well past the threshold when the Baron spoke again.</p>
<p>“What perfect timing, little vampire slayer! I would like you to accompany me to the store!”</p>
<p>“Baron Afanas, I don’t know if that’s a good idea… why don’t I just go to the store for you? What do you need?”</p>
<p>At the sound of Guillermo’s voice, Nandor returned to the hall, unconsciously edging closer to Guillermo as he observed the scene. He had to bite his tongue to keep himself from mentioning that Guillermo was his familiar and did not do random chores for other vampires—old habits were hard to kill.</p>
<p>“I would like to purchase <em>one</em> can of tuna for Sam and I would like to use the self check-out lane but the screen does not recognize me. I need your warm-blooded human hands to press the buttons on the screen for me.”</p>
<p>“If you really want to shop on your own, why don’t you just use a normal lane when checking out?” Guillermo asked.</p>
<p>There was a long pause. The Baron fiddled with the sleeves of his sweater, looking all the more out of place, like a corpse come to life, attempting to masquerade as something at least adjacently human.</p>
<p>“The humans… they often run or scream when they see my face.” His voice dipped lower, a strange sort of sadness overtaking his tone. “I know I am a monster, but it is a bit different to hear it aloud, you see? I do not wish to cause a ruckus. I had a lot of time to think while regenerating in my grave and I realized that you were all correct; this world is for the humans—we vampires must exist in the shadows.”</p>
<p>“Wow umm…” Guillermo trailed, eyes suddenly misty. “If it’s any consolation—y’know, coming from the guy that accidentally almost killed you—I don’t think you’re a monster. Or even look all that monstrous.”</p>
<p>“You’re just saying that to make me feel better…” The Baron trailed, nimble hands snaking forward to clasp Guillermo’s hand in his palms. He gave the vampire slayer three earnest shakes, his long, bony hands surprisingly gentle and smooth. “But I appreciate the <em>peppy-talk</em> as the youths say.”</p>
<p>Nandor interrupted the pair by clearing his throat loudly. As hidden in the shadows as he was, he doubted Guillermo had noticed he was also standing in the hall.</p>
<p>Guillermo yelped at the sound, fingers reflexively inching towards the collar of his shirt, ready to reveal the crucifix around his neck. Realizing it was just Nandor, the ex-familiar relaxed, shoulders slumping.</p>
<p>“Nandor? How long have you been standing there?”</p>
<p>The vampire waved a hand. “It does not matter. Come, I wish to have my hair brushed.”</p>
<p>At Guillermo’s pointed look, Nandor hissed but backed away, looking for all intents and purposes like a child shrinking back in the midst of a scolding. “I… I a-apologize. Guillermo, would you please brush my hair? It relaxes me and helps me fall asleep.”</p>
<p>Guillermo smiled, unable to hide the adoration in his voice. “Of course.”</p>
<p>Following Nandor into his room, the vampire slayer turned around to say goodbye to the Baron but froze at what he saw.</p>
<p>The white-haired vampire was staring at him curiously, no malice in his dark eyes. Guillermo thought it might be a concealed look of hunger, but in truth, he looked pleased. As if he had unraveled some great mystery from just staring intently at his face. When they locked eyes, he grinned and winked, pantomiming something with such elaborate hand gestures that the only thing Guillermo understood was the Baron flashing his teeth as he dug his fangs into an imaginary neck.</p>
<p>For some reason, it made a blush creep up the human’s face as he gave a weak chuckle, turning away.</p>
<p>Just before Guillermo closed the door, he heard the Baron’s voice call out. “Oh, Nandor—don’t forget to be gentle! I need the little slayer in one piece so we can go to the store later tonight! No funny business, alright? Save that for some other night if you must.”</p>
<p>“What the fuck is that guy’s problem?” the vampire muttered, shrugging off his cloak without Guillermo’s help. He disrobed into his sleeping clothes as Guillermo retrieved the ornate brush from the table. “He should be saying that stuff to <em>you</em>. I am not brushing your hair so I do not need to be gentle. <em>Yeesh</em>.”</p>
<p>“Yeah… that was weird,” Guillermo agreed if only to hopefully sweep the conversation under the metaphorical rug. He did not want Nandor’s line of questioning to inch too close to the truth. As the vampire moved to sit on the stool, Guillermo relaxed, falling back into the rhythm of his familiar duties with ease.</p>
<p>As he had done for the last decade or so, Guillermo dutifully brushed Nandor’s hair, gently tugging away any knots or tangles until the man’s dark locks fell smoothly down his shoulders.</p>
<p>When he was done, Guillermo went to leave the room but felt Nandor’s hand encircle his wrist. He turned back curiously.</p>
<p>“…Could you stay a little longer, please? I miss your company.”</p>
<p>With an admission like that, how could Guillermo say no? He nodded, holding out his hand to help Nandor into his coffin. He then pulled the stool closer to the coffin and sat, hands draped over the edge.</p>
<p>This time, Nandor did not hesitate to cover Guillermo’s hand with his own as he talked animatedly about a certain battle.</p>
<p>Guillermo peered into the vampire’s warm, dark eyes and listened—even if it was a story he had already heard numerous times before.</p>
<p>Outside the door, the Baron smiled wistfully, looking towards the camera with obvious fondness.</p>
<p>“I am old, but I am not blind… or deaf. I spent almost an entire year in the ground with nothing to do but watch the happenings of this house through the ether to keep me sane. So trust me when I say they are in love, my warm-blooded, camera-holding friend. I am truly happy for them; I do not often get to play Cupid, so this has been quite fun.” He paused for a moment, brows furrowing. “I just hope they don’t accidentally kill each other before they get the chance to admit their love. Usually in vampire-human relationships, you worry about the vampire killing the human, but knowing the human is a vampire slayer… I’d say Nandor has an equal chance of ending up very, very dead.”</p>
<p>The cameraman nodded sympathetically in agreement.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i know it’s silly and a bit nonsensical, but if you want more of the baron gently nudging nandor &amp; guillermo together… lemme know!! i also caved &amp; made a tumblr side-blog to contain my wwdits nonsense @nandoor. i haven’t made any posts yet, but i will be utilizing it very soon for drabbles, meta, and other nonsense :D</p>
<p>also just wanted to let y’all know that storing blood in a corked wine bottle is a horrible idea for vampires. without the proper preservatives and anticoagulants (the most common being potassium oxalate or EDTA as an anticoagulant &amp; sodium fluoride as a preservative), you’ll get gross clotted decomp blood in a few days &amp; lemme tell ya, that stuff does not smell good. you’ll also get more mileage if the blood is stored in a fridge (~6 months) or freezer (1-2 years). </p>
<p>yes i am talking from experience as i currently work in a forensics lab ^^’ there’s a reason guillermo’s my fave &amp; it definitely has something to do w/ how weirdly his daily chores for the vampires line up w/ what i do in a day (minus the, uh, virgin-luring &amp; bone saw, thankfully) LOL</p></blockquote></div></div>
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